I feel like I had got to the point where I was unsure what else I could do with the edit, so the feedback I received was very useful.
Feedback:
- Maybe use clip of the flowers to set up the fact he is waiting to take Ellie for a date. Whilst it may be too late to shoot more footage, a clip of the flowers on the side (such as the clip where he grabs the flowers) would help to set up the scene and give context as to why he is waiting.
- Some further sound design could be done when James loses Ellie in the lane. All of the sound is very much the same, there are not a lot of peaks and troughs. When James can no longer see Ellie in front of him, maybe fade out the music. Then once she is back with him, re introduce the music. This helps to add this as part of her character - the music is present whenever she is present. This could also work very effectively to display how she is still present in all the world around him when she fades away at the end by keeping the music here. When the music fades away, increase the sounds of the nature around him, this will help to emphasise the silence.
- The circling shot around James is a little murky compared to the rest of the footage. The exposure on this just needs to be increased as well as the contrast. The rest of the visuals work well to display what I set out to achieve.
- Although this is an issue I cannot solve at this point in the production, it is something to consider in future projects: Their eyelines do not match. Ellie looks back directly at the camera and James is looking into the distance. This suggests that they are not looking at each other. I did suggest to Mike that this could help add to the strangeness but we both agreed that it looked like too much of a mistake to be intentional. Ellie's eyeline is enticing, making you want to follow her which was my intention. James' eyeline looks as if he is following someone in the distance. It's hard to decided which character's eyeline I would have changed if I was to re shoot. Something which could have helped this issue is being placed further away from the characters - they are right on top of us, making these mistakes more obvious.
- I was also advised to removed the text at the end - something which I wanted to do anyway. In the rough cut feedback, Mike suggested I may want to use a line from the sonnet at the end to reinforce the narrative. I added in the final lines from the sonnet but wasn't particularly happy with how they looked. I decided to keep it in the fine cut anyway to get Mike's feedback and we both decided it looked odd. Instead, I will put an "Adapted From: Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep" credit when the screen fades to black - this will help to reinforce the narrative instead.
I am happy with the feedback I received and feel like I can implement it in time. I will work around the things which I cannot change (such as the eyelines not matching) but will keep them in mind for future projects. I still want to do a lot of work to the sound design, I feel like some of the sounds (such as the nature sounds, footsteps and heartbeat) are too subtle and need their volume to be increased slightly.
Heres' the fine cut:
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