When it came to writing my script, I had great difficulty getting going with the story. I decided to speak to Simon to see if he could point me in the right direction and help me get over these walls that I kept hitting. He suggested that I needed to know my characters better. I needed to work out who they were as individual, what their goals and experiences were. I took his advice and implemented it immediately. I spent the day writing out basically my whole characters' life stories. Although it did seem rather long and pointless at the time, working out their whole life and their goals really helped me to write my script. Once I knew who my characters were, my ideas for the script just kept flowing. Soon enough I had my first draft.
In this draft I decided to include 4 moments.
- My beginning: Kyle knocking repeatedly on the door and distracting John
- A moment in the middle: John attempting to take his own life
- Another moment in the middle: The reveal that Kyle is not real
- My ending: Kyle is gone
Summary of the scenes:
- Kyle distracts John
- John has phone call with mum (during phone call - hint that Kyle isn't real)
- Kyle keeps distracting John until breaking point
- John goes to the pier
- Kyle follows and prevents John jumping off
- Revealed that John needs to go to doctors
- Go to doctors
- John receives diagnosis of schizophrenia
- Two months after treatment, John heads back to pier.
- John talks on phone to mum and reveals Kyle is gone (was just a hallucination).
I knew my script wasn't perfect but didn't really know how to go about changing it, so I decided to hand it in as it was and wait to hear some feedback.
Feedback from Steve:
Structure:
- Need more scenes to show Kyle and John's bothersome alter ego.
[maybe have a scene where Kyle goes to John's office but John refuses to speak to him]
- We need to see John first - we need to understand him as a character before the action.
[could start with John and his mum face to face having a conversation]
- The phone call is too clumsy - not enough character or development
[again, start the scene with John and mum talking face to face]
- Kyle is gone too early
[John takes Kyle to doctor's with him, the reveal that Kyle is not real can happen here]
Action and Dialogue:
- Needs to be more action and interaction between John and Kyle - more scenes - more time passing
[Kyle needs to affect John more - need to actually have confrontations between them]
- The dialogue is too wordy.
The next steps:
Having received this feedback from Steve, I am now going to move on to my second draft using his advice.
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